Conception...

 

Brett: Well there is no avoiding the topic of sex if we are going to share our experience of conception, ha. Close your eyes momentarily if this concerns you or you have minors nearby ;-) Recasting that time some 20 weeks ago and many experiences of sacred union together I am a little hazy. We had been trusting in natural fertility cycles and ejaculation choice, and trusting we would intuitively 'know' when to consciously conceive and welcome our baby in with a beautiful ritual. Greater forces seemed to have other plans.

Alice: The feeling of a soul wanting to come in was getting stronger, which admittedly brought up a few fears for me due to my previous experience. Don’t get me wrong, I was loving the feeling of new life coming in, but what concerned me was how it might shift our relationship, or maybe that Brett wouldn’t be so enthusiastic.  In my previous relationship things went really downhill once I had conceived my baby, so I was afraid of a similar thing happening again. 

My body was calling out loud and clear.  My breasts were getting really full and heavy and I hadn’t even ovulated yet!  Actually for a couple of months prior to conceiving our baby, my body was showing obvious signs of fertility and readiness for new life, particularly my very full and swollen breasts.  We had talked about consciously conceiving a baby and I was so relieved to hear from Brett that he had shifted some stuff and was open to new life coming in.  I was so excited at this possibility.  We intended to do a Conscious Conception ritual to welcome this new soul into our lives…because it was something really valuable for us to honour.  When we were both ready, there was no hurry.

Brett: During sacred union I am happy to go with the energy present when it comes to ejaculation choice.  What I mean by this is firstly this is different to ejaculation control that people may of heard about from books like “the multi-orgasmic man”, I am not controlling if I ejaculate or not, I am choosing if I share this with Alice.  What I mean when I say I go with the energy is that I may have several orgasms with no desire to ejaculate then some energy will be calling my seed forth.  There is usually an energetic pull from the woman's yoni particularly around the time of ovulation. My intentions were to be conscious of the time near ovulation and choose not too ejaculate until we were in a full conscious organised ritual for conception.  Other times I will feel a sense to share ejaculation and go with that during 'safe' times in the fertility cycle.

So, some 20 weeks ago, we were in sacred union and felt my energy head toward desiring to ejaculation.  I spoke this to Alice and consciously chose to ejaculate.  There was something different about the experience in the way the life force energy moved down my spine and out through my lingam.  Something hard for me to articulate now so far removed from that present moment.  This 'something different' inspired me to ask Alice “Hey when exactly is the full moon?”

Alice: Being in tune with my menstrual cycle, we had been safely using natural fertility and avoiding ejaculation around ovulation (which is amazing by the way…guys explore how to orgasm without ejaculating, it will blow your mind) A few times when we made love I really sensed another energy hanging around us, particularly around ovulation the month prior to conceiving.  Anyway, come the next full moon we were making love and I had this overwhelming sensation in the room, with an urgent almost screaming inner voice “There’s a baby coming in!!!” such a full-on experience which filled the space around me.  We hadn’t done our conscious conception ritual, we hadn’t even decided that we were ready yet.  But the feeling was unmistakable.  And part of me was opening to it, inviting it in, saying a big YES!! Another part of me was hesitant, wondering what would Brett think?  Is he ready?  Am I ready? And in the heat of the moment it wasn’t a discussion I was wanting to have…not now.  We were connecting deeply in beautiful sacred union and I felt so open, so ready, so excited at the possibility of having a baby together…even with the part of me that was hesitant, a deeper part of me knew it was happening.  It was time. Or was it?

The next morning I checked in with Brett about how he felt regarding new life coming in and I was SO relieved to hear that he was open to the possibility, ready for us to have a baby. Like I mean SO relieved.  And then we realised that it could have happened…and there was part of us that knew but also a part of us that was in denial because it wasn’t the way we’d planned it.  This will become clearer soon, but for now suffice to say we were both feeling a little unclear on the surface while at the same time a deeper part of us knew what was happening.  I was feeling a deep excitement and also a bit disappointed at not having done our conception ritual yet, so was not fully allowing myself yet to embrace conception…

Connecting in Loving Alignment...and Creating Space for New Life

As we are doing a shared blog, for simplicity's sake when Alice shares it will say 'Alice' in front, and when Brett shares it will say...er...'Brett'.  Excuse me for pointing out the obvious...pregnancy non linear brain just making sure...

Alice: It is my intention here to share deeply, openly, and intimately, my experience of love, conception, pregnancy, birth and parenting from a woman's perspective, when approached with conscious awareness.  I am so grateful to be deeply connected with Brett in this journey, particularly after my previous experience of being with someone so disconnected.  It excites me to be with such a wonderful man who is fully embracing this journey as much as I am! 

When Brett and I first got together, I had an overwhelming feeling of new life wanting to come into our lives...it seemed irrational yet I rationalised that it must be a natural biological response to being so loved up! It seemed a little premature to be considering having a baby with someone I just met, especially with my deep commitment to parenting being done in full loving consciousness.  There was such a deep feeling of connection and alignment that I knew Brett and I were in for an amazing journey together and a deeper part of me was connected to the extreme likelihood of us eventually having a baby together, and I was trusting our journey to unfold naturally in its own time.

It didn't take me long to share this with Brett, in alignment with our original intention to be transparent and share openly with each other.  It was early days and I wasn't suprised to hear a bit of hesitation from Brett.  Then after some time and connecting more deeply in a space of love together, we both came to embrace the feeling of a soul coming into our lives, and I will continue to share more about the next part shortly...and for now here's Brett...

Brett: I am really excited to share my experience with pregnancy and birth from a masculine perspective. There are some really wonderful insights that I have discovered for myself already about what it means to be a man relating with a pregnant partner, and I am really enjoying the journey.

Some of the keys Alice and I share in co-creating a bliss-filled space of love are alignment of values and sense of life purpose. Some of the core values are in a new paradigm of relationship that include freedom to be ourselves (shadow and all), conscious sexual polarity, transparency and unconditional love. It does not sound like such a new paradigm on the surface of these words until these values are experienced in their subtle richness. Our life together has been an experience of deep intimacy and ease with these shared values in place. I trust more will be revealed in this blog about what I am meaning here and the importance to the pregnancy and birthing journey. .

I am going to back track a little to pre-conception to begin. I made an unwitting agreement with myself after my second child was born I would not have any more children. This was not clear to me initially only that I had some resistance. After taking Alice out to a wilderness cabin for some intimate shamanic healing work, this became to clear to me and under that there was no resistance. I began living without the unwitting agreement I had made and began a shared growing sense of a soul wanting to come into our lives.